People tend to work up a nice sweat playing Wii Tennis, getting into it so much your obliques ache.  But that's the problem.  You're too into it and as a bonus, you get a good stretch picking up all the spackle and glass that you knocked on the floor because the remote slipped out of your sweaty, tired hands.  I never put a hole in my wall lifting weights.

 

It sure seemed like a good idea didn't it?  "You mean I will actually have a camera with me for every spontaneous Kodak moment?  Awesome!"  Unfortunately most people's idea of a Kodak moment involves either someone else's moment of shame or an unsuspecting girl's "assets."

 

I watched part of Pirates of the Caribbean in full Blu-ray (at a Best Buy store of course) and I saw more of Geoffrey Rush than I ever needed to.  I don't want to look at the TV and see the inside of a man's pores.  I just don't.  I understand it makes them more life-like, but in real life I'm just not getting that close.

 

I mean, as a black guy, there are a lot of things that we as a people have yet to do, but after becoming President of the United States of America, everything else is going to seem mediocre.

 

I grew up on vampire movies.  But now they all suck.  Like seriously suck, not vampire suck.  Outside of Blade and Buffy, these undead creeps make a mockery of everything I loved about bloodsuckers.  Maybe the good ones should all start with the letter B, then I'll know they're good.

 

I used to be grateful just to have a roof over my head, but then Cribs, Real Housewives of [insert-state-here] and other stupid reality shows showed me what nonsense accessories I've been missing all this time.  How am I suppose to be thankful for getting a simple roof while these idiots get flats screens embedded in their toilet seats?

 

Who's bright idea was this whole "job" craze?  There was a time when your only job was to survive.  Are we suppose to be thankful that we now have a cell to voluntarily lock ourselves into for 8 hours a day, every day for the rest of our lives?

 

Sometimes I feel like food is God's curse.  Seriously.  I mean if you have plenty of it, it's probably going to kill you.  If you don't have any of it, it's certainly going to kill you.  If you find the kind that won't kill you, it's too expensive.  Food sucks!