There are many of us who fly alone for work related purposes. In this economy, a business flight doesn’t mean you’re flying business class. To make matters worse, it’s not like a flight for a vacation because there’s essentially no fun in the prospect of going. However you will often encounter people on these flights that are on vacation. These people will certainly irritate you, so I’ve assembled some tips on the best way to avoid them.

Bring a book, paper work, or your laptop while you wait in the terminal. You don’t have to actually be working, but you can pretend to be. The most effective way to do this is to cover what you’re looking at anytime a stranger gets curious. Channel the elementary school dork in you –  a little snarl will help too.

Avoid talking to people when you’re online waiting to board by talking on your phone – no one needs to be on the other line. Just try to sound annoyed. Flail your arms about every now and then. No one wants to talk to the angry person on the plane.

Avoid the coveted aisle seat. Just stick with the window, that way you’re putting your ass in someone’s face when you get up, and not the other way around. And never sit in the middle. You’re a very busy person who doesn’t need to be flanked by frick and frack. Make sure you say this aloud if anyone asks to switch seats with you.

Make yourself at home – use that ugly neck pillow. Sure you’ll look like a jack ass, but even if you don’t sleep, it provides a nice barrier between you and the germs next to you. You can also bring a surgical mask for good measure.

Avoid the arm rest War – just put both arms on them and don’t move them. This sets the tone right away: you’re the King of this castle and no one is going to invade your space. If they try to claim it, “accidentally” shove them off and pretend you’re sleeping.

Bring a blanket or buy a new one from the airline – not only will it be free of airplane crap left by the last passengers, but it creates a cocoon of isolation. Make sure it covers you completely. Using the sleep-props ensures no one will bother you on the flight.

Bring food! Don’t buy healthy food. Buy things that will make people jealous when they compare what the airline offers to what you’ve got. Alternatively, you can bring smelly food, or mix it up! Either way, when it’s time to eat, they’ll be talking about you, but not to you.

Please note, these tips will also help if you’re on vacation and you just enjoy the solace of being anti-social.

Warning:  these tips won’t help you God-forbid there’s an emergency on the plane and you need the comradery of survivors. At that point, you’re screwed.

Happy Flying!

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