10 TV Spin-offs We (Thankfully) Never Saw
By Jason Flum
Tags: Funny, TV
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Watching TV last Sunday night, I came across The Cleveland Show, a spin-off of my much beloved Family Guy. While I didn't particularly enjoy the show very much, it got me to thinking of some of the great spin-offs of the past. Mork and Mindy. Laverne and Shirley. The Jeffersons. Frasier. Family Matters. All right, great is subjective. Nonetheless, there have been dozens of spin-off series we've allowed into our living rooms and just as many we've shunted out right after laying down the welcome mat anyone remember The Tortellis? This train of thought led me down a dark and scary path. We all know the suits at the networks can be lazy sometimes, building on an existing commodity rather than creating something new and fresh. I thought, what if some other shows had spawned spin-offs? We could have had some truly awful concepts for shows foisted upon us which, granted, may have seemed a good idea from the start. Let's just thank the TV gods that smarter heads prevailed and the following ten spin-offs never rang our doorbell:
1) Two of a Kind
Years after sharing an apartment together, Janet Wood and Chrissy Snow (of Three's Company have gone their separate ways. They've lost touch with each other. As senior citizens, they move back in with each other hoping to rekindle some of the good times they had as younger women. Of course, living as just a couple of single girls without a man in the end proves not quite as exciting as they or the network thought it would be.
2) AALF
Lynn from ALF goes off to college and experiences life without the cat-loving Gordon Schumway er, alien. Boredom ensues.
3) Animal House
No, this isn't a spin-off of Jon Belushi's classic frat-house film, but the story of one Muppet's struggle with family life. Watch as Animal struggles with sibling rivalry, getting a new pet, and on a very special episode, dealing with the death of Dr. Teeth of gingivitis. A scrap of script was found in the Fraggle's trashheap. We have secured exclusive rights to a page of the Non-Classic Death of a TeethMan episode Janice: Like, he's dead, Animal. Animal: AAAAAAAAHHHHH Janice: I know, like, I know.
4) FOUND!
With Lost ending, the producers decided to go in the opposite direction. A group of castaways are dropped on an island and then rescued. It's very cathartic, and utterly pointless. No plots were developed beyond the first episode.
5) Newman
When Seinfeld's neigbor moves to the suburbs, he continues delivering mail with his own feisty attitude. Amazingly enough, he ends up on a route where denizens of the Seinfeld world keep popping up one week Babu is extorting him for a greencard, the next the Soup Nazi uses him as a taste tester. Sadly, the show would never have made it to Festivus of its first season.
6) Ross: The Musical
After Joey failed as a spin-off to Friends, the network suits went in another direction. When Ross and Rachel's marriage fails (divorce number 4 for Ross), Ross gives up on women altogether and decides to pursue his music career as a one-man keyboard band. Each episode was to feature several songs composed by David Schwimmer himself. The show even made it to a pilot, but when the test audience's ears began to bleed, the show was permanently shelved.
7) Smell My Feet Cheese!
A spin-off featuring Kimmy Gibbler (of Full House) and Urkel as roommates. Enough said.
8) Alex!
After growing up with his hippie-liberal parents on Family Ties, Alex Keaton moves into an apartment with three of his Young Republican buddies, each more conservative than the next. Each episode was to resolve around the young men promoting idealistic views of the GOP and guest starring some heavy hitters for the Republican party including Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. One episode designed to build ratings involved a showdown with another gang of up and coming yuppies featuring a cameo by future president George W. Bush. The show might have succeeded, but Fox News didn't exist yet.
9) Free Bird, with Wile E. Coyote
After all that time chasing the Road-Runner, Wile E. Coyote finally decided to give up and go in the opposite direction: now a staunch vegetarian, he went around freeing birds from their cages. It was clear the animators weren't too excited about the idea in the first episode they had Wile E. attempt to free Tweety Bird, whereupon he was promptly shot with a six gauge by Granny.
10) Starfleet Academy: The Wesley Crusher Years
In season three of Star Trek: The Next Generation, when Wesley Crusher left to go to Starfleet, a spin-off was planned following the young lieutenant at school. The show might have worked, but the producers realized that Wesley was such an arrogant jerk, always solving every problem that developed like some kind of futuristic MacGayver, that no one would want to watch the show. The idea was scrapped before it began. Years later, House debuted on Fox.
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