Revealing Fashions We Don't Want to See

Some fashions don't look good on anyone.  Here is a handy guide to keep the lingo straight.
Muffin Top: stomach spilling out over too-tight jeans worn with a crop-top.
Spliff: 10 pounds of booty in a 5 pound pair of jeans. Spliff with Trim: 10 pounds of booty in a 5 pound pair of jeans with painful panty lines. Wifebeaters (wifeys): men's tank undershirt worn as regular shirt. Known as wifebeaters because it seems like all the domestic dispute perps on Cops wear them. Soccer Mom's Thong: unexpected on the Elysium soccer fields, mom bends maternally to tie laces and, yikes! There's a tatty, faded thong straining out of the crack of her low-rider jeans. Elder Cleavage: aging wrinkly cleavage, overly tan and overly visible. Banana Hammock: Men with speedos so tight they scare children on the beach. Butt Floss: Thongs on the beach only work for supermodels. Not for you. Floods: Pants worn so high the hems are floating above your ankles. Also known as highwaters, because presumably you can walk safely through high water without getting your pants wet. But, we assure you, it's not worth it! Forever Crass: moms that dress like teenagers. Fugly! Cameltoe: a frontal wedgie on a woman due to overly tight pants. FUPA: fat upper pubic area. Again, due to overly tight pants and unfortunate anatomy; especially visible in sweatpants. Bustin' a Sag: wearing your pants so low that the waistband is almost down on your knees. Doesn't matter how cool your boxer shorts are. We thought this was over long ago! Udderly Alien: overly tight bra which causes a frontal anomaly that looks like four breasts instead of the usual two. Mullet: a business-in-the-front; party-in-the-back hairdo we could always do without. Teen Pajama Chic: contrary to popular belief, flannel pajamas worn everywhere are not adorable! Especially with advertising slogans writ large across your ass. Sleeveless Travesty: jiggley upper arms that sway in the wind. Jack LaLane Belt: squeezed so tight you look like a sausage link. Backside Brarolls: the bra too tight, the shirt too thin, a multitude of rolls bursting out top and bottom on a woman's back. Terminated: Black jeans with stomach protruding over belt, pack of butts rolled into one sleeve of a tight T-shirt, leather jacket, stomper boots. But no motorcycle! And no Austrian accent! Bandanna and Braids: only Willie Nelson and Captain Jack Sparrow can get away with this. Potato-Sack Effect: a big-bellied man who wears his pants high to cover the bulbous protrusion, the belt too tight to hold the pants up, creating a rope-holding-up-a-potato-sack look. Plumber's Crack: the classic still repulses. Urkel Effect: pants worn too high. Socks with Thong Sandals: Looks like a cameltoe (see above) with all of those unpleasant associations, but, ironically, on the foot.