Headlines for Stories I Will Actually Read
- How to buy hot designer clothes for $10 or less.
- Feed a Family of four a nutritious, balanced meal for five dollars.
- Lose ten pounds instantly through wiser fashion and make-up choices.
- Be smart but look sexy. Look sexy while solving that global warming problem.
- No more desperately scratching at generic-drug packaging while you're having an allergy or sinus attack — Our system will have you in within three minutes!
- Teach your kids to resist planned obsolescence without whining avoid replacing their electronic games, gadgets, and MP3 players for at least 1 ¼ years!
- Be the hottest babe in the club while cooking a nutritious dinner for your kids.
- Never fart! Ever!
- Make the very best chocolate brownies while exercising and flossing your teeth.
- Please everyone you encounter while achieving personal satisfaction.
- Smell great no matter what!
- Cook a delicious, nutritious, decadent, splendorific meal for ten without breaking a nail or a sweat.
- Look fabulous, serene and confident while serving said meal.
- Amaze your guests with the smartest witticisms and bons mots while hosting dinner party.
- How to have an orgasm while paying your bills.
- Buy the newest, best, most fabulous new gadgets and products while saving money and losing weight.
- Throw a super deluxe and yet inexpensive party that will impress everyone you know and render them stupefied with envy and admiration.
- Have one perfect, cleansing, quick yet substantial bowel movement each day at an appointed time.
- Watch that Wall Street banker go down in flames while you win the lottery.
- Never stain your shorts, no, you are too fabulous.
- Enjoy every possible indulgence while losing weight, saving money and looking fantastic and enviable and having fabulous sex daily.
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