Ever since Roger Ebert published his Little Movie Glossary, full of “obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, and shopworn conventions,” every writer, critic, and Internet hack has made his or her own list of movie clichés. So in the interest of hopping on the bandwagon, here’s mine.

This list barely covers the tip of the iceberg, but here are a few of the most popular action movie cliches that, like the nastiest of villains, just…won’t … die.

Good Guys can Always Outrun Nature

Whether it be an avalanche, earthquake, falling meteor, or massive wall of water, if you’re in good shape and your heart is pure, you can outrun just about anything. Most recently, John Cusack and co. managed to outrun earthquakes in a limo, dodge falling buildings in an airplane, and stay one step ahead of a giant sinkhole in an RV in the intelligent and well-written *ahem* 2012.

No parachute? No problem!

Free falling without a parachute isn’t as dangerous as one might think. In the action genre it’s inevitable that at some point the hero will end up flying through the sky – whether it’s from jumping off a cliff, out of an airplane, or falling off of some sort of isolated platform that’s drilling a hole in the planet (Star Trek rules). But not to worry, it would appear as though it’s quite easy to point one’s head in the direction of another jumper and attach oneself to them. No matter how much earlier the other person jumped, the hero can always catch up. He will never, ever pass them and lose his chance to grab on.

Hubris is Always the Downfall of the Evil Genius

Will those crazy egomaniacal evildoers ever learn to retard their vanity, resist the urge to show off and expound the virtues of their foolproof master plans, and just shoot the guy already? Inevitably, lured by a false sense of security, the villain will feel the need to share every aspect of his brilliant scheme with the hero before killing him – thus giving the good guy just enough time to thwart it, or if the situation is more dire, enough time for a third-party shooter to come in and save the day (yet another tired action movie cliché).

Flesh Wounds Don’t Hurt

Every hero (or villain for that matter) worth his salt can take a bullet, and as long as it doesn’t hit the face or heart, it’ll barely slow him down. A shot in the arm or leg will warrant a few grimaces, but won’t keep him (or occasionally her) off his feet for long. A few frames later, it’ll be like it never happened. Comforting to know.

Bad Guys Always Add Digital Timers to Explosive Devices

There’s nothing worse than trying to disarm a bomb with little to no experience when you don’t know how much time you’ve got left. Fortunately, every evil genius in the history of the universe has added a built-in timer with a large LED display to his clever device. Thanks to that, the hero can either cut a few wires or plan his escape accordingly in the given amount of time. Very courteous really.

The Mentor Did It

The dapper older gentleman in either a tuxedo or smoking jacket is always the most likely to turn. He “never wanted it to be this way” and “no one was supposed to get hurt”, but our hero’s mentor has become the one thing he once fought so vehemently against. Maybe it was the money, maybe it was the power, or maybe he just wanted some damn respect, but somewhere along the line he got greedy. If Jon Voight or Ian McKellen is in the credits, it’s fairly safe to say that he’s the mastermind behind the whole nasty plan.

Retiring From the Police Force Equals Certain Death

You can drive straight towards someone shooting at you, jump off a moving train, or dive out of an airplane without a parachute, but God forbid you try to do something stupid like celebrate your impending retirement or go to your daughter’s graduation. Silly things like that can get you killed.

Security is Lax

Ok, that’s not exclusive to action movies, but in the cinematic universe it seems like every government or company file you could want is right at your fingertips. If you want to access top-secret FBI or CIA files, top-secret defense plans, or top-secret blueprints of high-security buildings all you need is a laptop, a wireless connection, and a precocious 8-year-old.

Bad Guys are Terrible Shots

Villains seem to have no trouble recruiting gangs of eager henchmen to do their dirty work, but damn if they can’t find any that are a decent shot. When the hero faces a ridiculously large number of shooters with high-powered weapons, they will all miss (save for a couple of minor flesh wounds) after dozens, if not hundreds of shots. Then, without fail, the hero will pull out a tiny gun and start picking them off one by one – usually with a direct hit to the heart or forehead.

If You’re Out of College, You’re Too Old

If an action movie hero is above the age of 25 it is an absolute certainty that after a few arduous near death experiences he will say, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” See Danny Glover in every…single…movie.