Summer is long gone and so is any hope that you kept that summer glow. And with all the information on the dangers of sun exposure and the warnings on tanning booths, you probably didn't get much color to begin with. Since winter is upon us, I think it's time we live a little and stop being so afraid of the sun. Screw what the FDA has to say. The following are some compelling reasons you should tell the dermatologist to shove-it, and tan anyway.
1. You don't want to be pasty and pale, unless you're going to be cast as a vampire in
Eclipse (the next film in the Twilight saga). If that's the case, you're already the right amount of sexy and you can stop reading now. Alternatively, if you're part of Team Jacob, you're already an expert on this tanning business and understand its importance (now that's definitely the right amount of sexy).
2. You're only human, and since you're going to be older sooner or later, why not look your best for a short time, than mediocre for a long time. Take it from the best role models currently on television: the cast of
The Jersey Shore. Tanning is always number one on their list. You know the old adage about friends and jumping off a bridge forgetaboutit. If they're doing it, you should be doing it too! Adding a bit of a stereotypical New York or (better yet) New Jersey accent when you speak will also give you that touch of class. You can almost touch those fifteen minutes of fame coming up now, can't ya?
3. Tanning is the easiest way to look "relaxed," until you turn to Botox, that is. Or unless you're Denise Richards, in which case you always look stressed. So try not to scrunch your forehead in the tanning booth, or else you will risk embedding that stressed-out look on your face. Also try not to marry Charlie Sheen. That'll mess you up.
4. You'll have a great excuse to become a little liar and wear crappy clothes. Tell everyone you're a surfer. You'll get away with disheveled hair, ratty outfits and can hide flaws like a receding hair line or cellulite because you're golden. Look at Matthew McConaughey. No one ever talks about how he's losing his hair. Why? Because he's always tan.
5. You'll never need to buy Vitamin D supplements. When you jump into that coffin-like capsule, with the wind in your hair, your stark-naked body cooking away and your hands flailing about to something that vaguely resembles techno, you're actually doing your body good. You're working up a sweat and you're getting an ultra shot of Vitamin D, so you're being very health conscious when you think about it. As healthy as what Kim and Khloe Kardashian do on the QT.
6. You'll be that person who always looks good from afar. Don't knock it, because not many people have that luxury. Now, don't aim too high at trying to look good up close. If you don't look good from a foot away while you're pale, then it's just not going to happen no matter what. Count your blessings, because some people have to settle for looking good in the dark, or after a few drinks, or just in ones mind. Ask Donatella Versace. She'll tell you.
7. Being tan will allow you to make friends. You can start chatting it up nonstop and you'll definitely make conversation about where you've been and how fabulous you are. So start traveling or get creative and invent some cool places. Otherwise just tell them you're competing for Giuliana Rancic's spot on E! News. They'll believe it.
8. Even if you look like leather, it will be that good refined leather. Smooth, processed, durable, and unmarriable, like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker (engaged is not married, my friends). Then you can come up with really annoying pieces of advice that are actually complete nonsense, and people might actually listen to you.
9. If you get sun spots, so what? It's just a little extra pigment. It makes you special. It adds character. Think Cheetara, The Little Rascals, or Grandma. And you can always blend the spots with a little self tanner. Tanning on top of tanning. You'll become a pro!
10. After all the tanning booths, and the self tanner (that ten years from now will probably result in a series of medical reports on how poisonous they are), there's an unfortunate likelihood you'd get cancer anyway or suffer from something equally as heinous. So channel
The Hangover and roll the dice my friend... Vegas style.
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