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10 Child Stars: Where are They Now?

Danica McKellar
By Andrew Medley

Tags: Celebrity, Movies, TV

Friday, 28 May 2010

If history is any indication, life for a child star is tough. Oh sure, it starts out with fun and fame, but in a profession where there is an equal chance of superstardom or a coke-fueled flameout, I'm thinking it's not all it's cracked up to be. Here are 10 child stars that ended up in some pretty unexpected places. 

Jamiee Foxworth

Jaimee Foxworth

All grown-up (and impossibly hot), Jamiee Foxworth played little Judy Winslow on Family Matters for four seasons before suffering from Chuck Cunningham syndrome and disappearing from the show with zero explanation. She then disappeared from public life as well, until she popped up many years later -- in a porno. She got addicted to drugs and alcohol, fell into depression, and sadly, we have no idea how to make any of that funny. 

 

What we do when were not making jokes

 

But it’s not all bad. She found God, cleaned up her act, had a baby boy with her long-time boyfriend, and released an autobiography last year.

Eve Plumb

Eve Plumb played Jan Brady for 5 seasons on the hit TV show terrible TV show The Brady Bunch for 5 seasons. Despite the rumors that she was hooking up with Greg, and then hooking up with the other one (we don’t pay attention around here), she was actually hooking up with Marcia. According to Maureen McCormick‘s (Marcia Brady) book, Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice, her and Plumb had some sexual play going on behind the scenes, and that she developed a crush on Plumb. McCormick then changed her story and said it was just kissing, and then after that she said it wasn’t sexual at all, just regular I’m-totally-not-a-lesbian-with-my-tongue-down-a-girl’s-throat kissing. Word.

 
Eve’s on-screen disdain for her older sister continued in real-life, and she even cancelled a Brady Bunch reunion because of it. Thank goodness for that. Eve grew-up, got involved with her local government, and started making terrible artwork. You can view it here: http://eveplumb.tv/gpage2.html

Dustin Diamond

Dustin Diamond

Dustin Diamond played the geeky, awkward Screech for too long on Saved by the Bell. The only good thing that came from his character is the hope that it gave to real-life awkward geeks that they too could one day be friends with hot girls, jocks, and the preppy kids (i.e. the ones that will grow-up and get venereal diseases). Hey, why not abandon the tried and true “meek will inherit the Earth” for 3 years of tagging along with the popular kids?

 

Dustin grew-up and got involved with stand-up comedy, and joined a band that makes absolutely terrible music. Their lead singer sounds like a bad version of Geddy Lee mid-orgasm. Have a listen: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/pocketknife.
 
In 2006, a neat little video was released showing him with someone else’s bride-to-be and her bridesmaid getting their freak-shit on, culminating with Dustin giving one lucky lady a Dirty Sanchez. Seriously, what woman WOULDN’T have Screech on their “I’ve got to have sex with this celebrity and get his shit across my upper-lip before I get married” list?
 
Oh, hell yeah.
 

Lisa Bonet

Lisa Bonet

Lisa Bonet was best known as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show. After being fired for “creative differences”, she decided to legally change her name to Lilakoi Moon. Moon (or is it Bonet?) co-starred in a few movies, like Enemy of the State and High Fidelity, got married to some hippy, and started a family.

 

She gave birth to a daughter in 2007, and a son in 2008. Ensuring that she won’t be the only one in the family with a stupid name, she named her son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, and by doing so ensures that her son will be made fun of for the next 20 years of his life. The name is apparently Hawaiian for, "Warrior Wolf Strength Spirit Rain Dark." Could of fooled us, we thought it meant "Here’s my lunch money, I don’t want any trouble!"
 

Haley Joel Osment

Haley Joel Osment

If you don’t know who that is, that’s Haley Joel Osment. You know who he is, he’s the kid who saw dead people in the Sixth Sense, and the little robot boy in Artificial Intelligence. He hasn’t really done anything since. Ok, he actually has, but no one paid attention. By the way, that picture is his mug shot. He was charged in 2006 with driving under the influence of alcohol and possession of drugs after he flipped his car on some poor guy’s lawn by crashing into his brick mailbox.

 

Oh, and he's supposed to be one of the best child actors of all time. Will he get it together and have a real career?

Josh Saviano

Josh Saviano

That’s Josh Saviano. He starred as Paul Pfeifer, the nerdy kid who was Kevin Arnold’s best friend on The Wonder Years. On the series finale, the narrator told us that Paul went to Harvard and got a law degree. In real-life, Josh went to Yale, got a law degree, and became a lawyer at a Manhattan law firm. He never did any acting after the Wonder Years, and, no, he didn’t become Marilyn Manson. He could probably sue your ass off if you perpetuate the rumor.
 

David Faustino

David Faustino

That weird guy holding the fake baby is David Faustino, who played the annoyingly horny Bud Bundy on Married with Children. Unfortunately for David, he didn’t find much work after the show ended, but he was able to show off his acting talent for a McDonald’s commercial. He also starred in Celebrity Boot Camp, but no one noticed because no one watched. Or cared.

 

David also showed off his musical talent by releasing a rap album. We would joke about it, but that’s funny enough as it is. He now stars in a web series called Starving, which we thought was a documentary about his life after Married with Children, but apparently is a fictional show. It’s all good for David though, because he has a super hot wife named Andrea Elmer. From this man's point of view, that means he is a success. Hats off to David.

Ben Savage

Ben Savage

Ben Savage played Cory Matthews on Boy Meets World for all of the show’s seven seasons. After the show ended he went to Stanford University, graduated with a degree in Political Science, and even interned for congressmen Arlen Specter. Ben also regularly volunteers his time for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation; which means he spends his time kicking the shit out of AIDS while simultaneously helping children. Seriously, how the hell can you make fun of him? If you do, you’re a dick.

Mark Lester

Mark Lester

That’s Mark Lester. He probably isn’t your favorite child star and we won’t fault you for not knowing who he is. Mark starred in the 1968 musical film Oliver! based on the Charles Dickens novel Oliver Twist. The film won 6 Academy awards and was ridiculously popular back in the day. You’re grandma probably loved it. Mark played Oliver and then starred in a few more movies in his teens. He then went on to become an osteopathic physician and opened his own clinic in his native Britain. That isn’t why we included him in the list...

 

Mark was good friends with Michael Jackson from 1982 until his death in 2009. Mark is even Jackson’s children’s Godfather. And, according to Mark, he is actually the paternal father of Jackson’s daughter Paris, by way of donating his sperm. In case you haven’t noticed, Paris is a little white girl. Her mother is a white woman and despite the fact that Michael Jackson looks like a white woman, he is genetically a black man.
 
Something here ain’t sitting right. Mark volunteered to take a paternity test to prove his claims, but the Jackson family lawyer, who may not be using his eyes and common sense, said "The thing I always heard from Michael was that Michael was the father of these children, and I believe Michael."
 
Whatever you say, bud.

 

Danica McKellar

Danica McKellar played Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years for the series’ 6 seasons, capturing Kevin Arnold’s heart, as well as the young pre-pubescent boys who were watching. After the series finale she did a few guest appearances, got hooked on drugs, and wandered around Hollywood looking for work......

 

No, we're totally kidding.

 

She actually went to UCLA, graduated summa cum laude, co-authored a scientific theory, and wrote two New York Times Bestselling books about math. She also saved the world from certain destruction using her superior intellect.

 

 

So now she's both ridiculously smart and academically accomplished. After virtually disappearing from public life for more than a decade, she fulfilled all of our Wonder Years fantasies by modeling for the July 2005 issue of Stuff magazine. Ridiculously intelligent and impossibly hot, Danica turned out quite alright. In fact, she may be the perfect woman.
 

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